Tribal Ceremony

February 16, 2010 at 12:13 am | Posted in Big Idea, Television, Thoughts | Leave a comment

I decided to watch Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, the 20th season of this successful reality show. I haven’t actually seen much of any other season, a few episodes here and there and I think most of my memories are actually from Cougar Island or whatever the 30 Rock parody was.

I noticed that almost everything in the show has become a sort of meta-reality show… Almost the entire season premiere was referencing past seasons of the show, and the contestants themselves already knew each other by having seen them on their respective seasons. Both games played were repeated from past seasons, and two of the current contestants had competed in them before. I’m sure that was on purpose though, kind of a 10th anniversary celebration of the best contestants, best games etc… but still, it got me thinking.

The tribal ceremony is pretty much exactly the same as it has been since the beginning. And in the mix with all the other reality shows that take the exact same sort of approach, why not mix it up a bit? Make the actual content of the ceremony interesting, instead of drawing it out with fake drama from the editing/host pausing a lot.

The first game of the night, these guys were putting each other into submission holds, throwing each other face first into the ground, two people were injured, it was violent and awesome. So, my proposition may not be outside the realm of possibility…

Instead of writing down votes on a stupid piece of stylized jungle paper, everyone should get a dart gun and a single tranquilizer dart. Everyone stands in a circle and like a crazy standoff, on the count of three everyone draws their gun and shoots their choice for who should be eliminated. They can wear protective gear for their heads and junk.

After everyone has shot their dart guns, they then have to race say, a mile across the beach. The winner of the race could wins something special, it doesn’t really matter, but the point is that the first person to pass out from the tranq dart(s) is eliminated from the game.

You may be thinking, what if everyone shoots one person? Couldn’t they die? Well, they would determine a safe amount of tranq for the smallest individual, and divide that between all the darts. That means each individual tranq will get more potent each round.

Also it adds another element of skill to the game. The better aim you have, the better chance that you’ll hit and potentially eliminate the person you choose.

Maybe this doesn’t even have to be made part of Survivor. I would watch a show that consisted of nothing but round after round of this game. People would be allowed to tackle each other and stuff too.

I must make this happen. Who’s with me?

Voice Face

February 15, 2010 at 12:46 am | Posted in Thoughts | 1 Comment

I thought it was important that I address an important life lesson today.

Never assume you know what someone looks like just from their voice over the phone. And vice versa, of course. Sure both are pretty superficial judgments to make even when taken together, but let’s take a few examples from history.

First, the sirens. They sing beautifully, but they’re really bird-women that will crash your boat and eat your shipwrecked carcass.

Their faces are nice enough, but I'm sure they have avian flu.

Then, there’s the high talker from Seinfeld. His deceptively feminine voice caused a whole mess of trouble for Jerry and friends.

My final example:

Susan Boyle. Great voice.

There isn’t really a tale of consequence with her except don’t make an ass of yourself like Simon Cowell.

All I’m saying is that more often than not, voices don’t end up matching exactly the picture your head puts together. Unless you’re trained to do that or something. But if that’s the case, I don’t think you would be reading crap like this on the internet anyway.

If there can be such drastic mismatch between superficial qualities, then obviously qualities that really matter can differ greatly from first impression stuff too…

So let’s hold off on passing judgment either way, unless you’re talking to the Nanny. Then run. Especially if you own dogs.

Switcheroo

February 5, 2010 at 5:38 am | Posted in Thoughts, Wurds | Leave a comment

Brain transplants vs. body transplants. Fundamentally the same thing? Absolutely.

Brain transplants sound much more important. The brain is where thought happens and all that junk.”Excuse me, I have a brain to transplant!” says the brain surgeon, “because I’m a brain surgeon.” He always gets the best table at the restaurant down the road. Even on Friday nights. Without a reservation.

On the other hand, body transplants sound much more impressive. “I removed and replaced his ENTIRE body” says the body transplant surgeon, “And that guy was a BIG mother snicker.” He probably tries to set new records with each transplant just to up the impressivity when the repeated awe-worthy feat desensitizes his admirers.

I suppose the two terms could be combined in some way. Perhaps a ‘cerebro-corpus separation and reintegration.’ But that would require a lot explanation. When you say you’re about to do a brain or body transplant, people know what you’re all about.

I’m just going call it the ol’ switcheroo.

Wurd. (in disguise)

Dinosaur Brains

February 3, 2010 at 6:20 pm | Posted in Thoughts | Leave a comment

Let’s talk about Moore’s Law a bit. About every two years, memory, processing speed etc. doubles. What does that have to do with dinosaurs?

Simple, better processing power in smaller and smaller packages. WE assume that dinosaurs were stupid because they had tiny brains. But perhaps dinosaurs, who ruled the planet for hundreds of millions of years, evolved not larger brains over time, but smarter brains. Plus dinosaurs had at least two brains (the big dinosaurs anyway) which mean those suckers had dual processors without even factoring in the additional possibility of multilobed brains like we have.

One argument is the brain size to body size ratio. Are you telling me that if we had shoved Einstein’s brain into an elephant he would suddenly be a special? Are MENSA brains any bigger than average brains? I’m too lazy to see if this was an actual study, but I’m going to say that there is no size difference. So why must small dinosaur brains equal stupid?

There are so many overturned dinosaur ‘facts’ over the years. Dinosaurs are cold-blooded, big lizards -> dinosaurs are warm-blooded, big birds. The Brontosaurus is a dinosaur -> there is no such thing as a Brontosaurus. And the list goes on.

If we can accept that maybe dinosaurs actually had feathers, why not consider that they were much smarter than we assume as well? Parrots are some of the smartest animals out there… why? Because they’re descended from dinosaurs. And their brains are WAY tiny.

Consider also the dolphin. According to this article dolphins and humans have the same size brains disregarding body size ratio. Differences though? A dolphin has a 4 lobed brain, and it is 25% heavier (dense, not in the stupid euphemism way). There is no doubt in my mind that Dolphins are way smarter than humans, despite this article saying we are equal in intelligence. Dolphins have no need for technological weapons, communication devices, or computers. No need for war or passive aggressive Facebook status updates. Intelligence isn’t all about maths, dirty magazines and explosions.

I say it’s the same deal with dinosaurs and their dinosaur brains.

Filthy

February 2, 2010 at 2:55 pm | Posted in Storytime, Thoughts | Leave a comment

This morning I approached my car and discovered a hand print on the trunk.

“Who put their filthy hand on my trunk?!” I exclaimed. I waited for an answer but apparently the culprit had long since vacated the crime scene. I’m certain perhaps one or two neighbors looked my way with a scoff from their balcony views.

Then it struck me, the inaccuracy of my accusation was astounding. My car is essentially held together by the ever-thickening layer of dirt that coats it. The hand print was in fact an absence of dirt. Therefore, whoever’s hand made its mark, they were very clean when they struck my vehicle with it (I’m thinking now that the culprit slapped that b**** up, which is a whole different thing to be upset about).

Aside from the slapping, should I feel bad for accusing this lady or gentleman from making the body of my Saturn incrementally less dirty? Not at all. You don’t put your hand on a man’s trunk without his permission, regardless of how dirty it seems.

But my accusation upon further contemplation still holds true. Even though the perpetrator’s hand may have been pristine as it approached, it undoubtedly retreated covered in newfound filth. And so I ask again, who put their (now) filthy hand on my trunk?! (presuming they have not already washed up)

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